I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There r osticjed everywhere
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
