By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
