Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
