If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
