Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
