i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
