dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
