Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I looked at my own cervix.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
