i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
