you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
