Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
