Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
