Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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