Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
