These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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