She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
