How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
