i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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