she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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