i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
