Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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