My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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