you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize