Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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