I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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