ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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