Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
