I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
