Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
