peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
