Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
