im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
