i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
