I hope mine doesn't look like that
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
