Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
