I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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