Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
