You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
