Porn is love you can see.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
