I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
