Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
