Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
