what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
