She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will be naked everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
