It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
