He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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