That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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