i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
