can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
