Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
