Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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