you would pick up someone in the library
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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