Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
