She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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