Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
