I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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