The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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