Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
