Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Small penises have feelings too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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