How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
