I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
