I'm drive I can fine osifer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
