I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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