Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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