so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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