Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
