I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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