I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
