all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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