you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
