I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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