life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize