It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
