I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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