you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
