I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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